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How to build a community where its safe to be brave
A few weeks ago I wrote about how to join a community of practice as a new member, and I gave a few bullet points suggesting things that you could try that would help make your life easier. One of the points I mentioned was ‘be brave’ – the sentiment being that as a new member you should attempt to move from your comfort zone to your learning zone, and whilst it will feel a bit uncomfortable that’s ok because the feeling of personal growth. A few days after I posted it I was very excited to get an email from someone named Joel who had some questions, which (with their permission obviously) I’ve shared below…
I've been holding on to this post of yours for awhile because, while well meaning and well intended, I find that the issue is not that we (as community managers or group facilities) don't WANT our members to be brave, but how do we impart this messaging and information to our new members?
In other words, it's easy to say, "yes be brave, be you, you should do this and that and be better etc."
This is a fair point - it is a bit flippant of me to say 'be brave' like it's as easy as that when we all know it isn't. I replied making sure I’d understood correctly, that the question being asked, rather than being less tedious and idealistic with my advice, was what actions can we as community leaders do to create the right conditions to make it safe and easy for our members new and old to ‘be brave’?
Yes exactly, it's quite easy to go around and give advice on being our authentic selves (and as community managers, we intrinsically know this truth better than most - it's like asking us to be diverse or friendly). But the harder challenge is, as you framed it, how do we create those conditions where members DO become brave or be themselves or be engaged even when they don't want to?
I’m sure we’ve all been in one of THOSE meetings – one of those where the boss stands at the front of the room, tells all the attendees that we need to be honest with our feedback about why the team has been underperforming recently, and then spends the rest of the meeting dismissing any comments they don’t like, putting those who speak up on the spot by demanding examples or ‘well why didn’t you try this at the time?’, until everyone in the room is beaten into silence and would agree to anything if it meant that it would all end and they could go back to the safety of complaining about people privately in their DMs.
This of course is a wildly over the top and not terribly relevant example of a low psychological safety environment, but let it serve as a reminder of the feeling we are all familiar with and want to avoid. We know what a low safety environment feels like, and we as leaders need to assure any new members as quickly as possible that this isn’t one of those groups. That its ok for them to speak up right now if they want to – that they don’t have to walk some frat house hazing style rite of passage before being allowed to comment, and nor is anyone going to stare daggers or shout them down if they do. In short – if we are asking them to be brave, how do we meet them half way?
How you can do this will depend on your community usually operates, but I’ll try and share some theoretical ideas as well as some practical ones too. The most conceptual advice I can give is to work hard to build a community where there is a culture of inclusivity – ensure that every day, regardless of whether there is someone new or whether you are all old friends, you all consider yourselves equal in the room. Calling out when someone challenges an idea too personally. Treating everyone equally and fairly. Not compromising on your values, and diligently ensuring the culture that you build does the heavy lifting for you in making the environment accessible to new people.
Again, this is the goal and isn’t something you can decide to do overnight, so here’s some practical examples of ideas you can try that will help build that community culture…
Circles – One of the books that has influenced me the most is The Starfish and the Spider, and one of the concepts discussed in it is the power of circles. A room full of people sitting in rows facing a speaker at the front has a highly visual hierarchy; you are the audience, they are the speaker, they talk and you listen. A room full of people broken up into smaller groups around tables is naturally silo’d; you are part of the group around your table, and you talk to them…the other groups will share their ideas with you if and when they choose to, but right now you’re not part of that. Sit in a circle however, and everyone is equal. There is no visually designated leader, everyone has one person to the left and one to the right, and sits facing the rest of the room. Everyone gets the same amount of ‘face time’, so if you are a new member, you are immediately (subconsciously or otherwise) placed on an equal footing with everyone else in the community. This can help create conditions where everyone is included and equal, and can help us get to that point where new members feel safer to make their first interactions with the group.
Buddy up – Leaders should know their community and its members, and be aware of the intricate network of connections that go between them. When a new member joins it is certainly one of the leader’s responsibilities to welcome them and show that same interest in them as they do with other members. Use your understanding of the community to find an existing member that you can introduce them to with whom they share some common ground – you’ve just joined the firm? Let me introduce you to Debbie, she’s only been here six months she’ll understand what you’re going through. You’re here because you’ve just started playing the bass and wanted some ideas on how to learn? Come let me introduce you to Peter, he gives lessons he might be able to give you some recommendations! I remember the first time I went to the Ministry of Testing Cambridge meetup as an attendee, and the host came straight up to me and said hello, and made sure straight away that I started a conversation with someone in a similar type of industry to me, where we had lots of common ground to talk about. It was easy then to feel comfortable when the session got started. Speaking of which…
Its good to talk – You might have a busy agenda planned, but make sure there is time at the start of each session to mingle, to talk, and to build and maintain the social bonds that makes a group of people a community. Ensure that you as a leader (and other senior members of the community) are alert to anyone sitting quietly in the corner of the room to welcome them into the group (if they want to of course – some of us need some space and quiet time before being sociable!) and, if we are asking new members to be brave when joining our communities, we are at least asking them to do so with a friendly arm around their shoulder.
Introduce yourselves – One of the communities I work with does something that I love. For context they are a huge virtual community with thousands of members, and they meet every couple of months or so. Whenever they meet (virtually of course), whoever is speaking – including the leaders themselves – shares a standard template slide about themselves with the community. It tells everyone who they are, what they do, and what they love about the subject of their community. And they do it every single time, regardless of whether it’s the same person speaking or not. Why? Two reasons – firstly its because they aren’t celebrities, and don’t expect many thousands of people who they may not have even met before to know who they are on sight. Secondly its because, for a brief moment, they aren’t a leader with a job to do, someone to be listened to or learned from, they’re just another member of the community who in their own way is excited about the same subject that everyone else is there to talk about. Every time I see it, I love it.
Hopefully this will answer the question of what we as leaders can do to help create the conditions for people to feel confident and safe enough to be brave when joining our communities – if nothing else it was fun to write! If anyone reading this has any thoughts, other ideas or suggestions that might help provide an even better answer please feel free to comment so that everyone can benefit and learn from you’re experience, I’d certainly love to hear it!
One more thing…
I have a bonus post coming tomorrow as well - keep an eye out in your inbox!
Thanks so much for reading, if you’ve enjoyed this post I’d really appreciate it if you could share it - alternatively you could always buy me a coffee :)